*Disclaimer.... this is not a cheerful post...... It's some of the heavy stuff I have roaming around in my head.....
I have been feeling sorry for myself lately, so in an effort to get over myself I'm going to blog about it. I feel jipped, plain and simple. I am 34 years old and have one grandma left and don't live around any family. My grandma lives 982 miles away; my mom lives 840 miles away; Darren's mom lives 304; his dad is 219 miles; his sister is 300 miles away; and our brothers are right at 200 miles.
I guess what it boils down to is I miss my family. I miss my mom, I want to have dinner at her house and stop by there on my way home from picking the kids up from school. I want our families to come to our kids school functions and ball games. I want to share our AWESOME church with them and have lunch after church together. I miss my dad, he died way to young. I want to pick up the phone and ask him how he is feeling today. I still can't believe that he is gone. I miss my grandparents. I wish they could have gotten to know Darren and the girls and vice-versa. It just stinks. I miss Darren's family. I feel like our kids are missing out on the relationships that Darren and I had. I can say that the time we have with our families is priceless and maybe if we did see each other more often we wouldn't appreciate each other.
How can I be so conflicted with my feelings? I am just so torn. I am extremely happy with my little 4 person family but just so darn sad about the rest of our family. I love where we live, and we have made a great home for our girls. We are a strong unit and we are truly BLESSED!!!
I just wonder sometimes why it all worked out this way. I know that God is in control and I am not questioning Him at all. It's just how it is and I accept that, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to get sad every now and then.
This Saturday’s Recipes by The Pioneer Woman
5 years ago
5 comments:
Wow, I so appreciate your honesty - it's very refreshing when we just get real and share our frustrations. I love that you just had a therapy session and opened up like that!
It's got to be hard to find balance and happiness when your heart remains with your roots. I'll be praying for your peace as you cope with this - at least you guys are headed to the beach!!! Have a great trip!
Love you mucho~!!!
Trace,
Isn't it good to let it out? I hope you feel better just speaking your mind, it takes gusto, doesn't it?
I think everyone should appreciate their families the way you do. I certainly take our all being in metro Atlanta for granted every day. I have not seen Andrew in 6 weeks. It's sad.
In your situation, since I have had the privileged to see it first hand, I know that you guys have carved out a wonderful niche for Riley and Reagan. Not everyone can grow up in a classic Mayberry-esque town like your daughters. It's like a post card!
While you make peace with your loved ones being scattered from Dublin to Des Moines, I have great peace in the Oasis you have made in Wetumpka.
I love you, Trace-
Bek
I can tell you Tracey that I am so glad you call me when you are down in the dumps like you were a couple of days ago! Even though 'I feel sad when you're sad' (anyone for a little Manilow?) I know that God has planned a destiny for each of us. I never thought I could be without my parents, but the day came when I was. The three of us, you, Shane, and I grew closer because of a need for the only family we had around...each other. You and Darren have such a tight family unit because you rely on each other and count on each other. Bob and I are closer because all we have up here is each other. I look at this as another blessing and gift from God. Sound strange? Think of it as a character builder As you said, the times we spend together though few and far between are so sweet and so very precious. You are always in my thoughts, prayers and especially in my heart no matter how far away we are. And you will always be my little girl.
Love you!!!!
Momma
Come home girl! I wish more than anything that you and darren lived down the street and that caitlyn had her cousins every day. I miss my brother and need a sister. I love you all!
Okay, my eyes are overflowing with tears. First from reading your "from the heart" post, and then from reading everyone's comments. Kleenex, anyone?
It is such a dichotomy in a sense...on one hand hand it is so incredibly cool that you have just the 4 of you to rely on and cling to...on the other hand, you miss your extended family, because there is nothing like family for support.
I agree with your Mom, that it may not be exactly what you want, but it may be what God wants for the 4 of you now. It is truly a blessing to be such a tight knit little family. It is precious from my view!
I love how earnest this post is, it is truly endearing.
love in abundance,
Jill
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